Groundhog Day

So after my (second to) last post about how I'm back to blogging, I clearly lied.

Things have been interesting, to say the least.

For those illustrious few who don't know me in real life- things are on the move.

After 5 years of residing in the ever glamorous and soul crushing NYC, I have moved out.

Since the boy lives in Philadelphia and is quite happy there, and I was in NYC and quite not, I have decided to make the big move for the big L and go there.

But I can't go just yet.

See, I've been interviewing for jobs there since, well, July.

And still have nothing.

There have been teases- flirty companies who take me out to lunch and call me back.

Then, nothing.

Now they are waiting for the new year to make a decision, due to something like a recession?

Excuses, excuses.

That is frustrating in and of itself, but to add a bit of fun, my lease was up December 1st.

So I had to move back in with my parents on Long Island.

It has been trying at best, and it's only been a week.

I suddenly find myself commuting again, getting up at ungodly hours and arriving at work exhausted from already being awake for three hours.

I find myself running for trains through throngs of Bridge & Tunnel commuters. Which I am once again a member of.

I have to call home and check in, to let my parents know that my train is late.

I feel like I've regressed back to my 22 year old self, and I don't like it.

After living on my own for a number of years, going back to my parents house doesn't feel like home anymore.

I don't have my things set up, I have to keep the TV low if they're sleeping, my mother looks over my shoulder when I use the computer. 

I feel like this move has erased the last 5 years of my life, and I'm having a hard time identifying myself anymore.

I'm not someone who is good with change, I never have been.

The slightest adjustment takes me days or weeks to get used to.

Rearranging my entire life is incomprehensible right now.

I feel especially stuck because I can't look for an apartment or put in my notice at work until I secure employment in Philly. And with the economy the way it is, and the industry being very small there, I don't know when that's going to be.

I haven't even begun to process what moving is going to be like.

Of course I'm excited to be with the boy in the same city, and have a "real" relationship after a year of long distance.

But I'm also scared to leave my job, my friends, my city and my family.

I feel like I'm treading water right now, just staying afloat.

If I hold my breath and go under the surface to explore what's there, I feel like I'm suffocating.

My toes are frantically searching for a ground that I can't find.

I know that it will all work itself out eventually, but patience is a virtue that I do not possess.

 

Ode to a Wang

Snippet of conversation between the boy and I the other night:

Me: "I can't think of any good blog fodder lately."

Him: "You could write about my wang?"

Me: "I'll call it 'Ode to a Wang!'"

Him: "Well, you could use a different name for it, so that no one would know what you're talking about except me!"

Me: "Like 'Princess Sophia??'"*

Him: "......"

Me: "Lady Twinklepants?!'"

(Cue maniac laughter from me.)

Him: "You have made me very sad in my pants."

Ahh love.

*I realize that I stole this from a Kate Hudson movie but whatevs. It's funny.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

Well, probably not.

I've been away from the blog-o-verse for a few months now, and I've missed it.

Have you, my three faithful readers?

No? Well, then.

I would like to thank Not Lisa for bringing me back and introducing me to her writing, which I have thoroughly enjoyed.

So!

To start stretching my blogging muscles again, here is what I've been up to since, well, June.

• Still trekking back and forth to Philly to see the boy every other weekend.
• Somehow have convinced said boy to still date me. The chloroform is working splendidly.
• Still at the same job. I know. But if you've learned anything about me, it's that I am highly unmotivated. I find that bitching gets the job done, without having to actually change anything.
• I have discovered an unparalleled love for Fage yogurt. 
• I am sick of listening to John McCain whistle through his debates. And his dentures.
• I love my American Apparel hoodie. I hate myself for buying anything that Dov Charney and his perv mustache are associated with.
• I wanted to adopt a one-eyed dog named Phyllis. The one squinty eye gave her the look of a kicky old broad who would smoke cigarettes and drink Manhattans at 8am while wearing a caftan. We would have had all the fun, Phyllis and I.
• I now want a ridiculous teeny dog that I can put in a bag and who will make people wonder if I'm carrying a canine or rodent.
• I will make said dog wear ridiculous items- perhaps a sailors cap? Then will send pictures to all of my friends who will wonder why they like me, and why they RSVP'ed to a dog's birthday party.
• Recently have gone back to the gym when I noticed that my thigh was roughly the same size as my boyfriends. 
  

Yes, my life is boring.

But I figure that I have to be better off than the grown woman who was carefully studying her copy of Highlights magazine on the F train yesterday.

First, I plan to soil myself. Then, I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan.*

For those of you who don't know me, my life is made up of many people who are teachers.

I envy them for a number of reasons, which include, but are not limited to:

1. They can actually make a difference in the lives of children.

2. That leads to a sense of purpose when they go to work every day.

3. They all really love what they do.

But all of those wonderful things aside, there is one benefit that rises above all.

It is the glorious 9 weeks that they have off every summer.

And when I say envy, I don't mean that I'm a tad jealous.

I mean that I have the forest green kind of covetousness that makes my eyes cross and my soul twist.

Now that I am dating one, my jealousy has reached new heights.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for all of them, and they definitely deserve it.

But knowing that they are home and enjoying their days, I have devoted my time to try and figure out just how I can have the summer off as well.

I have come up with a few ideas so far.

1. Scratch offs.

2. Mega Millions.

3. Selling my blood.

I think I need a new plan. Any ideas?

*bonus points if you know what movie that's from. 

95 miles.

He is tall and broad and slender. He has a tough look and a kind heart.

His tattoos contradict the gentle soul that lies beneath the skin. 

He is able to love openly and without reservation. 

His cheekbones sculpt his face, framed by strong eyebrows and a square jaw. 

He teaches inner city youth, and they teach him back. 

He is serious and goofy and sincere. 

He wears fitted pants and they look good.

He will never lie to me, and he makes me want to be better. 

His eyes see more of myself than I do, and when they look into mine, I can see my future.

I am small and thin and wear size seven shoes. 

I have long brown wavy hair and eyes that are green in the right light.

I need coffee every morning and a moment to myself.

I keep my expressions guarded and my heart open. 

I am sarcastic and witty and can quote movies with the skill of a savant.

I am learning to be open and vulnerable instead of closed and defensive.

I will never lie to him, and I will never let him wonder where he stands.

It makes my day when I make him laugh.

He loves his job, I loathe mine.

He can play the guitar, I am tone deaf.

I am an only child, he is a twin.

I am an internet detective, he gets lost in cyberspace.

He believes in God, I'm not so sure.

We both believe in each other.

Our hands and bodies fit as if custom tailored.

We trace each others skin as if it's the first time we've ever seen it.

We laugh and tease and understand each other.

Other couples look for excitement, we yearn for the mundane.

We want life together, the little daily ins and outs that so many take for granted, and even end up resenting.

I want mornings together, and lazy Sunday afternoons that don't involve a countdown and a Greyhound. 

He wants me in his city, so it can all be complete. 

I want to be in that city, so I can feel whole.

Sigh.

I just heard this while watching "Beauty and the Geek."

"I recently got a boob job. I feel like it is an investment, because all of the drinks that I'll have gotten boughten for me over time because I have boobs, will like, pay for them."

Gah.

You make me touch your hands for stupid reasons.

I love this.

I have no idea where it came from, or who narrates it, but kudos to you, good sir for giving a voice to that piece of literary genius.


This entry is about all I can come up with right now, as I partook in entirely too much white wine last night-
more later on how I got a bruised ass at an awards dinner for work.


Oh, and make sure that you have the sound on when you watch that little gem above.